I’m not talking about identity theft or stolen credit cards, but a more nefarious beast. Imagine being smacked right where it counts – that’s right, your livelihood.

WHAT? Buying flowers from the wrong retailer can lead to disciplinary action at work? Well, it could be the case if you order from 1800flowers.com or their affiliate in the Philippines, Manilaflower.com and I’m not talking about a mishap in delivery or an inter-staff romance.

Take poor Johnny C’s case – innocuously ordering flowers for his fiancé’s mother in the Philippines. Poor guy didn’t know what he was getting into. After a debacle involving extortion, fake lawyers, and systematic harassment of Johnny, his fiancé’s mother and co-workers (including management), you wonder if he’s currently planning on getting medieval on their ass.

If it was me and this shit was happening to me, you can bet that my new moniker would permanently be ‘Angry Johnny,’ that’s for sure.

Okay, so here’s the kicker – Johnny C who ordered the flowers and Johnny C who’s co-workers, management and others at work who are being harassed are two different Johnny Cs! The only thing they share is locale (Johnny C #1 lives in Burnaby and Johnny C #2 works in Burnaby) and the same surname.

WHAT?!

That’s right, the idiots at Manilaflower.com decided to harass the first Johnny C they found on Google. It seems that the original Johnny C who ordered the flowers (not the one who’s getting harassed) had some quality concerns with his flower order and got a refund via Paypal.

So, Manilaflower.com’s people decided to take it upon themselves to start a campaign of hate and harassment against Johnny C – emailing the wrong Johnny C’s business, phoning other staff and even going as far as sending false claims about this Johnny C’s behavior to the web host and domain registrar to where Johnny C works. How’s that for customer service?

All attempts to contact those at 1800flowers.com went unanswered. Even the NASDAQ company’s Investor Relations department didn’t respond to requests.

In this quest, I’m back to my old devices – seeking a crème brulée worthy of worship, and I think I’ve found one – at Kingyo, of course.

You can download the this week’s PDF format HERE (or grab the full newspaper HERE,) or just keep reading (the unrated version) below.

Episode 5 – Didn’t See That One Coming!

Image cutline:  On a shadowy corner of Granville Island, famous Sake maker Masa Shiroki conspires to create a new batch of his craft sake. What’s intriguing about the sake brewing process is that nothing is wasted. Not even the slightly gritty paste which is left over from the fermentation process. It’s called Sake Kasu and has long been used in Japanese cuisine and now, in this crème brulée.

A quaint little spot along Denman Street brings back memories in my search for the best crème brulées in Vancouver. A couple of years ago, on this street stood a small bistro called Enthuze, whose enthusiastic owners wanted to share their love affair with food to the world. This was one of the few places where I first tasted and enjoyed the Matcha Green Tea Crème Brulée – an eye-opening experience that led me to believe that somewhere in the world there is a myriad of crème brulées yet to be discovered and not just one as some may argue. After its owners left to study in a world-renowned culinary school, a Japanese Izakaya-style restaurant, Kingyo, took its place in the same exact locations along Denman Street. The location must have good food karma as I’ve always gleaned something amazing upon each visit there.

This Sunday evening, I eagerly awaited for the new crème brulée creation that Kingyo had in store for me. Following the Japanese tradition of enhancing or adding their own unique twist to an original work, Kingyo has created their own renditions of the crème brulée. Their remarkable line of crème brulées ranged from a green tea crème brulée to its more recent sweet potato rendition.

Tonight, Chef Makoto Kimoto unveiled the Sake Kasu Brulée, a creation made from sake kasu – “sake lees” – the left over from the production of sake. This crème brulée rendition is similar to the typical creme brulee with an infusion of the Japanese sake taste. With the pudding covered with a delicate caramelized sugar coating, this rendition of the crème brulée has a rich, exquisite and unique taste akin to the Amazake – a traditional sweet, low-alcoholic Japanese drink made from fermented rice. It had a hint of nutty aroma about it but the crust was a bit soft. The brulée was not quite smooth and almost had a similar complexion to kasu. The brulée was garnished with sesame crackers like the French sour cracker with a Japanese twist making it semi-sweet. Priced at less than five dollars, this is another brulée you’ll want to place up on a mantle.

Raj Taneja is part technologist, part entrepreneur, part social media juggernaut and part foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com, publishes a miscellany of his musings at raj.jp and can be found on twitter with the username ‘tinhead.’

The Club’s Pastry Chef, Fumiko Moreton, recently gained some notoriety by competing in the International Culinary Exhibition aka the Food Olympics in Erfurt, Germany, as part of the team which placed third overall in the World and gained three gold medals.

As usual, I’ve contributed my thoughts relating to Creme Brulee and featuring a creation by Moreton in Friday’s edition of Vancouver’s 24hrs. You can download this week’s version in PDF format HERE (or grab the full newspaper HERE,) or just keep reading (the unrated version) below.

Episode 4 – The Private Business Crème Brulée

Image cutline: Pastry Chef Fumiko Moreton likes her crème brulée simple – no fillers, no fruit, no fuss; it’s all about the creamy and smooth texture of the sweet sweet custard.

The search for Vancouver’s undiscovered crème brulée can sometimes be a daunting one. Secretly plotting against Vancouver’s food community, standing in alleys hoping to get a glimpse of the kitchen, recording every intimate account and photographing the evidence certainly lives up to the name of cloak and dagger.

My toughest assignment yet was to infiltrate the guarded walls of the Terminal City Club in the heart of the financial district – the private business club founded in 1892 features an admirable wine bar and some of the city’s finest dining all built for the sole entertainment of members and their very lucky guests. Deep within its luxurious recesses, Fumiko Moreton, Pastry Chef Extraordinaire concocts her next great dessert. Convincing Moreton, part of the crack team that recently earned a Gold Medal and third place in the world’s most important cooking competition, the Culinary Olympics, was no small feat. I had to look the part, talk the part and even smell the part.

After some smooth negotiating (begging), Moreton imparted to me, a taste of her Christmas-inspired Citrus Crème Brulée. Topped with a raspberry, some blueberries, a couple orange slices, a snowflake-like sugar garnish and a mini cranberry and pistachio biscotti, the crème brulée’s presentation  was elaborate enough to make me feel like a giddy youngster, all excited to unwrap a new gift.

Below the delicately caramelized top crust lay simple elegance. The uncomplicated custard infused with lemon and orange zest and lightly flavoured with real vanilla bean invoked the kind of euphoria that is usually incited by illicit substances available on the other part of Hastings Street, far from the club.

It’s no wonder that if you want to join the Terminal City Club, two members in good standing have to vouch for you. It’s just that good.

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Raj Taneja is part technologist, part entrepreneur, part social media thought leader and part foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com, publishes a miscellany of his musings at raj.jp and can be found on twitter with the username ‘tinhead.’

So we took that, tossed it out the window and tried our own nutty* concoctions: buckwheat honey, rhubarb & vanilla artisianal preserve and a gourmet mustard.

How did they rate?

Round 1 – Buckwheat Honey – slightly bitter, this monofloral honey is more effective than over-the-counter cough syrup at treating childhood cough.

Result? Well, I don’t have that cough anymore. Crackers took well to the honey, I’d say about a 5 out of 10 on the Raj scale of yumminess.

Round 2 – Rhubarb and Vanilla Artisianal Spread – one of my friends has a theory that the addition of Vanilla to anything makes it better. He cites Vanilla Coke as one of the examples of this triumph. Considering the raging market success that Vanilla Coke has had on the market, maybe he’s talking about a different coke… the South American variety, perhaps? Either way, I ain’t buying it.

Result? Not bad at all. The Artisianal Spread is actually part of Vista d’Oro’s Spring Line. So we’re mixing a fall flavour from Lesley Stowe with a spring flavour from Vista d’Oro and whaddya get? Pure summer! 7 outta 10 on my made up scale of culinary greatness aka the Raj scale of yumminess.

Round 3 – Extra Hot Gourmet Mustard – there ain’t nothing like gourmet mustard. When one old boy points at another old boy and says “he’s got the mustard,” usually giving a slight nod of approval, it isn’t something to be taken lightly. SO here we have it, now Lesley Stowe, or rather, Lesley Stowe’s cracker has the mustard.

Result? POW! I nearly burnt my freaking face off with that extra hot mustard. Note to self, use less! I think I need some sparkling spring water… or buckwheat honey…  hhhhoott. I can’t say this one even makes my scale – the mustard totally overtook the cracker and then burnt a hole in my desk and the floor below it, so we put that in the unrated category and then called the local hazmat team at the fire department.

I spose the sane should stick to aged cheddar, manchego cheese or asiago cheese. Lesley Stowe’s Cinnamon Raisin Crisps – now available in stores but beware!, highly addictive.

Find out more on her website, HERE.

* no nuts were harmed nor were any used in the creation of this blog post (yet)

For background on the delicious little crisps, keep reading, after the jump.

The original release, 9/15/2009:

In 2005, acclaimed chef, entertaining expert and cookbook author Lesley Stowe introduced Canada’s culinary scene to an original artisan style cracker that quickly became known as the “crispy conversation starter.” Since then, raincoast crisps have been a savoury addition to appetizer spreads and party menus across the country. Just in time for the upcoming entertaining season, Lesley launches her newest flavour – cinnamon raisin – at fine food retailers nationwide today.

With a hint of cinnamon and the sweet taste of plump golden raisins, the newest flavour of raincoast crisps can be enjoyed on their own for a delicious breakfast on the run and also pair perfectly with aged cheddar, manchego or asiago cheese. Lesley’s famous gourmet snack food is made from scratch in small batches, using only the finest ingredients.

I smell a conspiracy… or maybe it’s just ‘the machinery’ rearing it’s ugly head. The same machinery which once came into my restaurant and told me that they run the city, not the elected officials. The same machinery that still thinks it’s cool to keep our liquor laws in the 1930s. The same machinery that talks about equality, equity, etc. but says you can’t open a bar because you have to go buy an existing license that doesn’t exist. Yes that machinery. Only now they have a face – it’s called Raymond Louie.

Well, the restaurant industry, thanks to James Iranizad from Hell’s Kitchen, spoke up.

Now the City’s backtracked… until someone brews an even more insidious plan. Or, maybe they’ll make it all hunky-dory and use this as a publicity stunt, because they ’saved’ the restaurant industry – either way, the fine people that feed us ain’t pleased.

The By-Law No. 4450 amendments regarding the restaurant liquor service that were scheduled to be approved during the city council meeting on Tuesday, November 3^rd has been withdrawn. I did ask the city clerk why the decision to withdraw the By-Law was made and by who and wasn’t provided with further information.

You want details? Get if from the Straight, Hours-of-service bylaw rankles restaurateur, or from the Courier, No-fun city makes a comeback, or perhaps the Sun, City to take a second look at anti-wine bylaw… and watch your back, those ‘No fun City’ types could be lurking in your bushes.

Bacon Quest – the search for Vancouver’s undiscovered bacon.

Episode 4 – The Famous Bacon

In Vancouver, especially during times like film fest, you’ll likely meet someone famous.

Step onto the red carpet with a camera and it’s possible to make even Henry Winkler go “aaaay!”

In my days as a photojournalist, I’ve met a ton of famous people, but I’ve never met famous bacon before.

Or at least, I haven’t been alerted to the fact that I’d be meeting famous bacon… up until now.

At the suggestion of a friend, I learned that there was famous bacon that I could visit on the North Shore at this place called Tomahawk Barbeque.

Tomahawk, a restaurant that’s been in North Vancouver for over a bazillion years (since 1926 as the menu proclaims,) serves up bacon known as Yukon style bacon.

Famous in its own right, not because Bryan Adams was once a dishwasher there, but because it’s THAT good.; double smoked in an old European wood smokehouse setting, Yukon bacon is sold exclusively to the restaurant.

The result? Such menu items as the Yukon-style Bacon & Eggs featuring five generous slices of Yukon-style bacon, two country-style eggs served fried or scrambled, a heaping portion of golden-griddled hash brown potatoes, and two thick slices of Klondike toast, or the mixed grill that I enjoyed that day, nine generous slices of Yukon style bacon, two country fresh eggs, fried or scrambled, two slices of Klondike toast, ORGANIC hamburger patty, aged cheddar cheese, wiener, onions and fresh sautéed mushrooms, all on a 14″ platter.

Sumptuous to say the least and definitely worthy of stardom.

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Raj Taneja is part technologist, part entrepreneur, part social media thought leader and part foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com, publishes a miscellany of his musings at raj.jp.

Bacon Quest – the search for Vancouver’s undiscovered bacon.

Episode 3 – Bacon vs. Bacon

In the past couple of weeks, we’ve discussed the finer points of one of the greatest inventions known to man, bacon.

Sadly though, although it’s a simple food, it’s up to the cook to really make it outstanding.

My favourite method of bacon preparation is to pan fry extra-thick cut pieces straight out of the package on medium heat, flipping when necessary until crispy and brown then finally resting the little strips of happiness between paper towels.

I’ve heard of such atrocities as flash frying bacon – typically used in restaurants to boost their efficiency.

In my books, that ain’t bacon and I could rant and rave about the process, but today as Thanksgiving has just finished, our eyes turn to the less fortunate.

That’s right, our Hebrew, Halal and Pescetarian friends.

The Vegans and the Vegetarians, we can’t help you yet, but get this: a fellow that goes by the name Alan Axler, proprietor of the Springfield Smoked Fish Company in Massachusetts has come up with BREKFISH, salmon bacon that isn’t that far from the real deal.

So good that it’s Orthodox Union Kosher and Ifanca Halal certified.

Upon receiving my sample, I put it to the ultimate test and prepared it side by side with regular bacon.

BREKFISH plays well with other foods – a BLT or maybe even wrapping scallops.

On its own, you can still tell the difference but again, with its similarity to real bacon, it has the power to heal millions and can ultimately bring peace on earth.

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Raj Taneja is part technologist, part entrepreneur, part social media thought leader and part foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com, publishes a miscellany of his musings at raj.jp.

Bacon Quest – the search for Vancouver’s undiscovered bacon.

Episode 2 – Porkbelly Beer House

Can you keep a secret? Well the Koreans certainly can. For years I lamented at the possibility that while there were dozens of great steak houses to choose from, nobody had ever decided to venture in creating a restaurant that celebrates bacon. Was I ever wrong! In fact, at the time of writing this article, I’m on the phone to the Chicago Mercantile Exchange and putting my money where the meat is. As soon as the word’s out, the price of pork belly futures are on a rocketship to the moon.

Here’s the backstory: while stumbling through the West End one night, a beautiful scent filled the air, but to which cooked meat it belonged I had no idea. I investigated and what I found was a discovery more monumental than what conspiracy theorists call the New World Order. I observed a pair of Korean men perched on the patio of a restaurant cooking strips of what appeared to be bacon on a portable gas-powered grill. It turned out to be love at first sight and her name was ‘Samgyeopsal’. The restaurant was aptly named ‘Porkbelly Beer House’ and as the owner explained, uncured strips of pork belly, cut in quarter-inch slices are put on a gas-powered griddle and cooked. The customers at the restaurant cook their own meat and then eat directly from the grill, usually wrapping the delicacy in lettuce stuffed with a soybean paste, kimchi (Korean pickles), fresh garlic slices and green chilli. Since that fateful day, we’ve come together on many occasions and I’ve enjoyed my forbidden love. Now that the word is out, I’m keeping my eye on those futures.

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Raj Taneja is part technologist, part entrepreneur, part social media thought leader and part foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com, publishes a miscellany of his musings at raj.jp and is probably the least qualified person in the world to ask for financial or investment advice.

Bacon Quest – the search for Vancouver’s undiscovered bacon.

Episode 1 – DB Bistro Moderne

To those that are allowed to even indulge, bacon is a many-splendored food. Doug Larson is quoted as saying “life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.” Who are we to argue? That guy was an Olympic medalist!

In the upcoming six week adventure, we’re going to go for the gold and discover what only few mortals have ever dared – we’ll take you to places where the bacon’s even more special than it already is (if that’s even possible.)

So where to start? Unlike fine purveyors of steak, the thought of a ‘bacon house’ is only a dream. Being thought of mostly as a breakfast food, the mind immediately shifts to Vancouver’s myriad of breakfast places. There’s omletteries, waffle shops and even an International House of Pancakes but nothing that immediately screams out bacon. One place though, is what I’d call THE place for brunch, DB Bistro Moderne in Kitsilano. If anything bumping into the Chef de Cuisine Stephane Istel on his day off was a sign. The fact that he was donning a t-shirt that says ‘lardons give me hardons,’ sealed the deal, so I put him to the test and what I got was completely amazing. Two types of bacon sliced thick, the regular kind we’re all familiar with prepared sous-vide, and a Chinese-inspired variety, roasted, spiced, dipped in brine and braised. Both types made for a magical dining experience and a good start to the Bacon Quest.

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Raj Taneja is part technologist, part entrepreneur, part social media guru and part foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com and publishes a miscellany of his musings at raj.jp.

Keith Ferrazzi, author of  “never eat alone” and “who’s got your back” cites one of his mentors in the latter, defining what elegant means: “Elegance is putting the least amount of energy for the greatest return! What could you relax and perhaps do better?” – via twitter.

So what about elegance? Well if you look at major brands (well, all brands) you’ll see sometimes that the brands themselves have multiple twitter accounts for different reasons. Starbucks has their standard twitter account but then they have the StarbucksLive account to convey up to the minute updates of Bumbershoot.

One opportunity I see with twitter, being a web service means that the limitations just don’t stop at twitter.com/username. Imagine sub-usernames and the opportunities they could create for both brands and the revenue they could create for individual users. Example… My name is Raj Taneja. The twitter username “raj” is taken but if twitter would allow sub-usernames, I could negotiate with the owner of “raj” (maybe some cash involved) for the sub-username “taneja” so ideally, twitter.com/raj/taneja could come into existence. Starbucks wouldn’t have to own both the Starbucks and StarbucksLive accounts anymore, live could reside under the main Starbucks account as twitter.com/starbucks/live and that could definitely be elegant.

On that thought, there could be a bunch of options for aggregating statuses upwards etc. but that’s for the future.

Twitter. Thoughts?