“The first casualty of sliding is dignity” – Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo

On the contrary, professor, dignity has never suffered in any way during the whole quest. In fact, it was raised to a whole new level at the Vancouver Club and the Terminal City Club. Exclusivity is often associated with wealth and privilege. In the case of the Vancouver Club and the Terminal City Club, it is associated with affluence, privilege and a whole new culinary experience.

You can download the this week’s edition in PDF format HERE (or grab the full newspaper HERE,) or just keep reading (the unrated version) below.

Episode 4 – Exclusive Clubs deliver Exquisite Sliders

Image cutline: The Vancouver Club (pictured left) and the Terminal City Club (pictured right) both have a flare for sliders fit for royalty, dignitaries and various people of interest.

Rangelina are back at it again, travelling across dimensional boundaries, tasting sliders and searching for the homeworld. In this quest, they find themselves gaining the trust of the local aristocracy.

Raj: We landed on West Hastings at Hornby and were immediately ushered into a comfortable sanctuary known as The Vancouver Club. Our host stated, “Members and guests only and tonight you two are my guests.”

Angelina: It was cool with us, since he assured us that the hospitality at the club, located 915 West Hastings, was fit for dignitaries. I guess we fit the part.

R: After getting seated, our host summoned dozens of the staff into action and what appeared was a plate of sliders made from 100% ground Kobe Beef, a sesame seed bun, sautéed wild mushrooms, truffle mayo and homemade barbeque sauce topped with a cornichon straight from France.

A: When we asked the Sous Chef, Tobias Grignon, about these exquisite, mouth-watering sliders, he confessed that a new slider made from the confit of Mount Lehman Duck Leg and Foie Gras was on the way to replace these sliders. We knew they’d be equally fantastic.

R: With that, we graciously thanked our new friend and traveled across the courtyard to 837 West Hastings where we found The Terminal City Club.

A: We were lucky enough to befriend a member in the building’s gold-plated foyer. Upon telling her of our quest, she immediately showed us to the exclusive, members-only wine-bar and commanded sliders from the staff.

R: What ensued was awe-inspiring. The Terminal City Club’s menu has Beef Tenderloin Sliders with spicy mustard, Japanese mayo and pickled vegetables on the side.

A: The Sous Chef, Michael Mousseau, informed us that the club has also been presenting a Warm Veal Schnitzel Slider on a Ciabatta bun with grainy mustardandred cabbage coleslaw which will no longer be available after today, October 22^nd.

R:The Bavarian Schnitzel Sliders are to die for and will be served in the Grill upstairs from 4PM – 7PM. The Beef Tenderloin Sliders, equally deadly, are available throughout the club, during regular hours of operation.

Editor: No journalists were harmed in the making of this article. Sadly, there is one slider from a previous article that is on the chopping block, the Chinese Pork Bun at Goldfish Pacific Kitchen. Only you can help save its life by telling @GoldFishKitchen on Twitter. Make sure to use the hashtag #savetheporkbun.

Raj Taneja is part technologist, entrepreneur, social media juggernaut and foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com and publishes a miscellany of musings at raj.jp and on twitter @tinhead

“We have a plan. We just don’t know what it is yet.” – Quinn Mallory

Not in this case, Quinn, since the plan is to find the best slider in a parallel universe and the Relish GastroPub & Bar is a step in the right direction. The tender texture and delectable flavor of their lamb meat slider will definitely give everyone another reason to relax and have a great time, making this is truly an adventure that no one would easily forget.

You can download the this week’s edition in PDF format HERE (or grab the full newspaper HERE,) or just keep reading (the unrated version) below.

Episode 3 – Lamb Mini Burgers ‘slambers’ make a slam dunk!

Image cutline: Relish serves up painstakingly-created Lamb Mini Burgers or ‘slambers’ for wayward travellers seeking a tasty treat.

In the search for the homeworld, the dynamic duo Rangelina sample sliders wherever they go. This week, things magically come together. The pair has yet to come across a more homely dimension.

Angelina: Relish GastroPub& Bar is all about sports, deals and comfort food. Catch a game on their screens, enjoy shots of Fireball which is frequently on special, or simply find food that makes you happy, like poutine!

Raj: I think we’re in luck, I learned from General Chee in the last dimension that the number ‘8’ was lucky. According to my handy dandy positioning computer, Relish is located at 888 Nelson Street, and we’re definitely getting lucky tonight!

A: Lucky as in having sliders! They’ve focused their energy on creating one spectacular type, ‘slambers!’

R: … ah, local lamb cheeks braised for two hours in a red wine and lamb stock reduction…

A: WAIT! The best part is the Choux bun – it’s like a mini éclair with salt and rosemary added to give it a savoury flavour.

R: On one side of the lamb cheeks Chef Dan Kushner has strategically placed a goat cheese Dijon spread and on the other, a mint mayonnaise, then he addsthe mouth-watering Choux bun to make it complete.

A: This is the perfect chemistry for a slider in just a single bite. That’s right, it’s a mini-mini slider, slightly larger than a Toonie, but just as satisfying as the big guys.

R: You’re only satisfied because they serve five on a plate for ten dollars. What they really should be doing is boxing them up and selling them by the dozen, they’d make a mint.

A: Mary had a little lamb, now you can have one too! …at Relish.

Editor: The ‘slamber’ is such a treat at Relish we can’t see it going anywhere. We mustn’t forget about the less-fortunate Chinese buns facing exile from last week’s article. Only you can help decide their fate. Let them know @GoldFishKitchen on Twitter and make sure to use the hashtag #savetheporkbun.

Raj Taneja is part technologist, entrepreneur, social media juggernaut and foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com and publishes a miscellany of musings at raj.jp and on twitter @tinhead

This is another case of East meets West. The Chinese pork buns of the East is come together with the American slider of the West and the outcome is a delectable dish worthy of praise and admiration . . . and mouth-watering too.

You can download the this week’s edition in PDF format HERE or just keep reading (the unrated version) below…

Episode 2 – Chinese Pork Buns on the Executioner’s Block

Image cutline: Goldfish in Yaletown serves up three types of sliders, the Short Rib Slider, the Kurobata Pork Slider and the Crispy Fish Slider.

Rangelina have slid into a parallel dimension known affectionately as Goldfish in search of the ultimate slider. What awaits them? Read on to find out.

Raj: I’m truly impressed! From the moment we entered Goldfish Pacific Kitchen on Mainland Street in Yaletown and uttered ‘take me to your leader, we want sliders,’ the whole place went into action.

Angelina: We didn’t get to meet their Beloved Leader, Bud Kanke, but his General and Maitre d’, Albert Chee, took care of our every wish and command.

R: Under the watchful eyes of General Chee, my glass of champagne was never empty. When it came close to being empty, he promptly clapped his hands and the subservient bartender immediately went into action and poured some more. It was amazing to see such orchestration.

A: On the General’s recommendation, we ordered all three types of sliders that they had – the Short Rib Slider with Hoisin Mayo, the Crispy Fish Slider with Classic Tartar Sauce and the Kurobata Pork Slider with Sweet Soy, affectionately known as the Chinese Pork Buns.

R: What we got was an army of sliders! They sent out four types of sliders, three of each we ordered, doubling up the quantities of the Kurobata Pork Sliders, one type with regular buns and one type with steamed Chinese buns – all of which were amazing. All 16, that is!

A: Yes but the sad part is they want to do away with the Chinese Pork Buns, they seem to have fallen into disrepute with the Beloved Leader. We have to save them!

R: All the sliders were really special, the flavours were really memorable but the Chinese Pork Buns, with their snow white exterior, are close to our hearts; let’s take to the streets and let them know!

A: United we can appeal to them via Twitter @GoldfishKitchen and use the hashtag #savetheporkbun to spread the word!

R: Power to the people!

Editor: Only you, the reader, can save the Chinese Pork Buns. Connect with @GoldfishKitchen and vote with the hashtag #savetheporkbun. The results will be announced at the end of the six-week quest.

Raj Taneja is part technologist, entrepreneur, social media juggernaut and foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com and publishes a miscellany of musings at raj.jp and on twitter @tinhead

There are numerous claims on how the ‘slider’ came to be, from the grilled patties of the U.S. Navy, sliding about during the heavy seas, or the claim that White Castle invented the ‘Slyder.’ Whichever claim is true. one thing’s for sure, a slider is not a mini-hamburger. The meat of the slider is cooked on top of a bed of onions that allows the juices from the onions to permeate into the meat itself. This distinctive cooking method makes the slider a truly unique gastronomic experience.

You can download the this week’s edition in PDF format HERE (or grab the full newspaper HERE,) or just keep reading (the unrated version) below.

Episode 1 – Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, Rangelina go to Revel Room.

Image cutline: Revel Room in Gastown serves up three types of sliders: Double Smoked Bacon and Beef, Black Bean Lentil and Avocado, and Pulled Pork, our favourite!

Into the wormhole they go, Raj Taneja and Angelina Rai are transcending cross-dimensional boundaries in search of a slider… but not just a slider, the real slider sorta like that search for Earth Prime in that mid-90s TV series, Sliders. The journey begins in Gastown.

Raj: So, what is the real slider, anyways?

Angelina: Well, it’s like a mini-burger, but not. It’s small, maximum three inches in diameter, the meat is cooked on a griddle, sautéed onions and pickles go well but the possibilities are endless; if you found the ultimate slider you’d know. Like Harold and Kumar’s trip to Whitecastle, we’re on a quest for the truth or at least cure a craving.

R: So, this place they call Revel, located at 238 Abbott Street in Gastown, has sliders on the menu.

A: Not only that, there’s a lot of history in that place. Add a large collection of Stay Puft Marshmallow Men figurines and a bartender by the name of H which I think stands for ‘Hot Bartender,’ …

R: With drinks called Caligula and Secret Garden on the menu, I think I know where this fantasy is going really fast, but back to business…  Revel has not just one, but three sliders on the menu. They’re only available after 11pm so your bedtime better not be early. Pulled Pork and Beef with Double Smoked Bacon and I’m forgetting one…

A: The Black Bean Slider with Avocado Salsa and you’ll taste a hint of butter!

R: Ahh, but that pales in comparison to the refreshing flavour of meat. The Pulled Pork slider really stood out considering that this little piggy was braised for 11 hours.Add in a nicely toasted bun and a little bit of coleslaw, the only word that comes to mind is awesome.

A: I agree but it’s so good to see a slider that’s worthwhile for our Vegetarian pals, too.

R: A menu fit for someone seeking a wide range of possibilities…

A: Including sophisticated drinks specially crafted by bartender H.

R: He’ll even serve you a freshly-baked chocolate chip cookie at last call. It’s their thing, you know.

Editor: What parallel universe will Rangelina slide into next? Who will they meet? What will they eat? Tune in next week for Episode 2 of Slider Quest.

Raj Taneja is part technologist, entrepreneur, social media juggernaut and foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com and publishes a miscellany of musings at raj.jp and on twitter @tinhead

“Here’s my hope that we all find our Shangri-La.” – Lord Gainsford

Shangri-La is a mythical paradise isolated from the outside world. The name evokes the idea of utopia where happiness abounds and people live to near immortality. This is an appropriate location for the end of the quest for the ultimate summer cocktail. With its lofty status as a “destination” restaurant, the Market at the Shangri-La Hotel certainly has some skilled bartenders who allow you to think out of the box and create your own concoction. However, despite all of this creativity, it seems that the ultimate summer cocktail, like the legendary earthly paradise described in the 1933 James Hilton novel, has remained as elusive as ever.

You can download the this week’s edition in PDF format HERE (or grab the full newspaper HERE,) or just keep reading (the unrated version) below.

Episode 6 – Sampling summer cocktails at the Shangri-La Hotel

Image Cutline: Explore beyond the menu when in the hands of a skilled bartender.

After tornado-ing through the city’s finest cocktail establishments, sampling menus from head to toe, and pushing bartenders to their limits, Raj and Melody Fury prop up on Market by Jean-Georges’ marble bar inside the Shangri-La hotel. They’re on a mission to see what all the fuss is about.

Fury: Raj, of all places to conclude our quest, you lure me to a hotel bar?  If it weren’t for the big name behind Market, I might have thought twice…

Raj: Big names only amount to so much.  Remember that crazy night in Vegas after poppin’ bottles of bubbly, you insisted that you must eat something to hold your liquor down?

Fury: Wolfgang Puck was the only place open and I was horrified at what flew out of his kitchen! Nevertheless, back to Market.  Jean-Georges’ team out in New York designed this summer cocktail menu.  Upon first glance, their signature menu looks pretty dated and lacked substance – was it really created in a trendsetting city?

Raj: As a rule of thumb, I avoid any drink that involves flavoured vodkas.  And what’s up with the passé lychee and passionfruit?  The bartenders served up the Lychee Raspberry Bellini and Vodka Thyme Lemonade in hidden embarrassment.

Fury: As professionals, we gave their signature menu one more shot.  After trying the flat and heavily sweetened Ginger Margarita and Sour Cherry Caipirinha, we decided to take matters into our own hands.

Raj: The beauty of a place that purports to being high-end is that they at least have some great spirits behind the bar. Given this opportunity and nothing that was working on the list, we completely sidestepped the menu and looked beyond…

Fury: Right to the wall where we requested they construct some great well-documented classics using their premium spirits. The Americano, for example.

Raj: Sometimes the ultimate summer cocktail is as elusive as the season.  The Americano on the other hand has been around for ages. Mix Campari, sweet vermouth and soda, it’s easy as pie and works better than those other drinks we saw that night.

Editor: Summer’s over, you’ll have to mix your own Summer drinks from here on in.

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Raj Taneja is part technologist, entrepreneur, social media juggernaut and foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com and publishes a miscellany of musings at raj.jp and on twitter @tinhead. Melody Fury is the founder of Vancouver Food Tour.  Follow this YVR lifestyle ambassador on twitter @GourmetFury.

This is a case of East meeting West right in the heart of Chinatown. The marriage of modern Western cocktails with traditional Chinese medicinal herbs has resulted to a summer cocktail that soothes both the mind and body. With its apothecary-styled drinks, the Keefer Bar has, without a doubt, developed a unique flair of creating cocktails that are not only chic but beneficial to one’s health as well.

You can download the this week’s  format HERE (or grab the full newspaper HERE,) or just keep reading (the unrated version) below.

Episode 5 – Keefer Bar Serves Up Eastern Medicine

Image Cutline: Dani Tatarin will cure what ails you with her TCM inspired cocktails.

Raj: A drink to improve your health!

Fury: Raj, didn’t we already cover that a couple weeks ago?

Raj: When you’re in the heart of Chinatown, the concept of Western medicine, molecular mixology or, like many other things from this part of the world, are foreign.

Fury: Speaking of foreign, it’s always entertaining to sit on The Keefer Bar’s glass-fenced patio during Chinatown’s Summer Night Market.

Raj: Ahh… Watching shoppers gather around stalls selling random things from underwear to black-market DVDs from the safety of the boutique hotel’s bar.

Fury: What isn’t random are Dani Tatarin’s well-articulated concoctions.  Every ingredient in The Keefer’s Asian herbal-infused cocktails are calculated for flavour and health benefits. All too familiar ground given what we learned on our recent visit to The Refinery except Dani comes from the Traditional Chinese school of medicine.

Raj: Thorough research, shopping for cocktail ingredients at neighbourhood Chinese herbal shops to infuse into the bitters and spirits, I think she’s on to something.  The house-made magnolia bark tincture in the Dragonfly sends your body’s “chi” downwards to calm your nerves.  Then dragonfruit-infused gin, pearl sake and ginger galangal syrup are shaken into a balanced and soothing drink that’s ideal for the heat on a hot summer day.

Raj: Imagine, guests arriving at the bar, bartenders take their pulse and prescribe the ultimate healing summer cocktail for their ailments…

Fury: That’s no fun! It’s about Dani’s in-depth knowledge of spirits, a little bit of Eastern knowledge and an end product with well-developed flavour profile.  I especially love the combination of Gosling black rum with the ginger galangal syrup in the Peach Sling.  This twist on the Dark and Stormy reminds me of sipping a spiked peach iced tea at a barbeque party.  The peppery bite from the fragrant roots has a surprisingly refreshing and cooling effect.

Editor: Woody Harrelson was recently seen onsite double-fisting the Dragonfly. It didn’t last long, though – the first round calmed him right down.

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Raj Taneja is part technologist, entrepreneur, social media juggernaut and foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com and publishes a miscellany of musings at raj.jp and on twitter @tinhead. Melody Fury is the founder of Vancouver Food Tour.  Follow this YVR lifestyle ambassador on twitter @GourmetFury.

“Charm is a product of the unexpected.” – Jose Marti

For Wil P Taylor, the product is a cocktail that may have had a hand in sending Fulgencio Batista from the garrison to the seat of power in Cuba during the “Revolt of the Sergeants.” The Hotel Nacional Special is not your common, everyday, rum-based cocktail since it brings a certain sophistication that evokes memories of the old glory days of this island nation in the Caribbean.

You can download the this week’s edition in PDF format HERE (or grab the full newspaper HERE,) or just keep reading (the unrated version) below.

Episode 4 – Cocktail Revolution at the Di6mond, Gastown

Image Cutline: Ron Oliver tells a story to each classic cocktail he shakes up.

It’s1933.Cuba is undergoing another revolution and the Hotel Nacional in Havana is under heavy artillery fire. The expats, huddled around Wil P Taylor’s bar, ask the barkeep to invent a new drink – something special – after all, this might be their last.

Fury: Going out in style like it’s my last night on earth is how I usually roll.  So after hopping through a few Gastown cocktail joints, the Hotel Nacional Special at The Di6mond stopped me in my tracks.

Raj: You mean those three Hotel Nacional Specials stopped you in your tracks.  Great choice of venue though.  Located at the epicentre of Gastown’s summertime hoopla, the second storey room somewhat removes you from the roaming crackheads below.  Yet, the large bay windows let summer in all its glory.

Fury: As a rum-aficionado, Wil P Taylor fired back under pressure and concocted this sophisticated summery drink with a jigger of rum, dry apricot brandy, some fresh pineapple juice for sweetness and a touch of lime.  This blend goes down so smoothly – can you blame me for slinging back three in a row?

Raj: Plenty of credit has to go to barman Ron Oliver, who I first met at a seedy undisclosed Gastown location during Hopscotch a few years ago.  He’s so knowledgeable that when I need info about Scotch, he’s my go-to guy.  But now he’s shifted his efforts and has become equally successful behind the bar.  In Wil P Taylor style, he didn’t miss a beat.

Fury: They didn’t even see us coming.  We totally blindsided them exactly like that artillery fire in 1933.

Raj: And somehow, Ron just nailed it.  If anything is a perfect summer cocktail, it’s the Hotel Nacional Special, a daiquiri tasting like a dry fruit punch with pineapple and apricot flavours, it’s sooo smooth going down.

Fury: If it takes a surprise or an uprising to push bartenders to make fabulous, timeless drinks, I say viva la revolution!

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Raj Taneja is part technologist, entrepreneur, social media juggernaut and foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com and publishes a miscellany of musings at raj.jp and on twitter @tinhead. Melody Fury is the founder of Vancouver Food Tour.  Follow this YVR lifestyle ambassador on twitter @GourmetFury.

“Muppets labs, where the future is being made today” – Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

In this case, it’s more than just the future to look out for whenever Lauren Mote, The Refinery’s resident Mixologist, weaves her magic and concocts the finest cocktails this side of town. With its award-winning cocktail program, recognized as the most innovative in Canada, The Refinery is definitely a place to have a cocktail or two on a hot summer night.

You can download the this week’s edition in PDF format HERE (or grab the full newspaper HERE,) or just keep reading (the unrated version) below.

Episode 3 – Cocktail Therapy at The Refinery

Image Cutline: Lauren Mote lights up the bar at The Refinery on Granville St.

A visit to The Refinery is like a visit to a Mad Scientist’s lab.  Enter Raj and Fury and things that you’ve never even dreamed about take shape in strange forms.

Fury: Doctor’s orders – sling back a cocktail right now!

Raj: A drink to improve your health?

Fury: Lauren Mote is the first mixologist I know that owns a lab coat, and for good reason.  She does much more than merely mix spirits.

Raj: You’re right, she’s taken the science of food and medicine and applied it to cocktailing.  Voila!  Molecular Mixology!  It’s like a trip to Dr. Bunsen Honeydew’s lab from the Muppets.

Fury: You just want to be Beaker!

Raj: Well we kind of were that night.  Amongst the numerous drinks that we sampled, two drinks really stood out.  Except I didn’t enter the bar like Beaker would, mumbling “mememememe!”  What’s he saying anyways?

Fury: Raj, focus.  On our quest for the ultimate summer cocktail, we’ve encountered the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I really took a shining to L’Épice Verte where Lauren counterbalanced crisp, cool cucumber water with the essence of fiery jalapeño… and a good measure of gin for health, of course.

Raj: My vote goes to Provençial, concocted with gin, lemon juice, and lavender-lilac syrup.  It was like drinking a whole bouquet of flowers and was equally therapeutic.

Fury: Another way The Refinery pushes the envelope is …

Raj: Meat chips!!

Fury: No, Raj, focus!  Remember the strange flasks that lined the bar, like some evil experiment?

Raj: Ah yes, nothing evil about it.  Lauren enjoys making high quality additives for her drinks, with everything from house-made bitters to a special cocoa vermouth, and right down to the garnish.

Fury: The dehydrated mango chili salt that dusted the rim of my margarita was something spectacular.

Raj: Meat chips and a healthy cocktail to wash it all down!

Editor: Beaker, we’re embarrassed that you made the kitchen run a whole charcuterie plate through their pizza oven that night.

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Raj Taneja is part technologist, entrepreneur, social media juggernaut and foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com and publishes a miscellany of musings at raj.jp and on twitter @tinhead. Melody Fury is the founder of Vancouver Food Tour.  Follow this YVR lifestyle ambassador on twitter @GourmetFury.

Henry Ramos and his shaker boys really knew their stuff. Originally known as the New Orleans Fizz, the Ramos Gin Fizz is one of New Orleans’ most famous cocktails. The cocktail has definitely come a long way from the days prior to “The Noble Experiment” or what was commonly known as “The Prohibition”. With its distinctive orange blossom water ingredient, the Ramos Gin Fizz will definitely make its mark on the Vancouver bistro scene.

You can download the this week’s edition in PDF format HERE (or grab the full newspaper HERE,) or just keep reading (the unrated version) below.

Episode 2 – Ultimate Summer Cocktail: Shaken, of course!

Image Cutline: Steve shakes up the Summery Ramos Gin Fizz with tremendous passion.

Raj: What’s Shakin’, lil’ lady?

Fury: I’ll tell you what. A dozen of shaker boys are lined up behind the bar to prepare one of my favourite Summer drinks, the Ramos Gin Fizz.  Just like in the pre-prohibition days in sweet New Orleans.

Raj: The year is 1888, those shaker boys are slaves and they’re not as scantily clad as you’d imagine oh Furious one! I see where you’re coming from, though. If you don’t shake this drink for at least five minutes, it’s going to taste like something nasty.

Fury: Steve Da Cruz at the Corner Suite Bistro rescued me from that disaster once.  As a gin enthusiast, I once ordered this complex drink with great anticipation, only to be disappointed by a watery, curdled, undrinkable mess.  Steve swooped in…

Raj: You swooned…

Fury: and shook the living heck out of the concoction of seltzer, orange blossom water, orange bitters, and a touch of cream.

Raj: SWOON!  It’s like drinking a flower, the ultimate Summer cocktail.

Fury: The Ramos Gin Fizz at the Corner Suite is my sultry, adult version of the creamsicle.

Raj: I was in a famous restaurant in Whistler recently, one of those places that purports to have an extensive cocktail program.  The first two drinks didn’t cut it so as punishment, I assigned the bartender a Ramos Gin Fizz. Needless to say, they totally struck out.

Fury: That just shows how you have to be very selective on who shakes up your drinks. The bartender’s heart really has to be into it.

Raj: Since you’re running the Vancouver Craft Cocktail Tour with Jay Jones, you’re the lady to go to.

Fury:I only put my drinks in the hands of those I trust.  Since Corner Suite is the ultimate bibliotheque of spirits, they have no choice but to work it like no tomorrow.

Editor: No shaker boys were harmed on this cocktail quest.

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Raj Taneja is part technologist, entrepreneur, social media juggernaut and foodie. He runs urbanmixer.com and publishes a miscellany of musings at raj.jp and on twitter @tinhead. Melody Fury is the founder of Vancouver Food Tour.  Follow this YVR lifestyle ambassador on twitter @GourmetFury.

I’ve been a Nokia E-Series fan for some time now. The ability to access and interact with my company’s Microsoft Exchange server has been the most important factor in freeing me from my office and carrying on with a generally balanced life. The fact that the Nokia E-Series phones can interact and receive push mail from two Exchange servers made my life that much easier. This way I don’t have to carry two or three devices with me (depending on which companies I’m consulting for, etc).

I’ve accessing more than one Exchange account via push for several years. In an interesting twist of fate, the iPhone now has this functionality as of iOS4 making iPhone 4 and the upgraded iPhone 3Gs excessively attractive. The newly-released E73, on the other hand, isn’t worthy.

Up until the E71 was released a couple years ago, I was pretty happy with the E-Series product. Then, something changed. Nokia released the E75 and started to ram buggy and slow software down the consumer’s throat. No longer was the top-of-the-line Nokia phone usable. Instead, users were forced to wait several minutes for their phone to respond or worse, they were forced to constantly reboot their phones in order to get access to contacts, calendars and their inbox.

The E75 looked to generally be an upgrade to the E71. It had the latest OS, geotagging of photos from the camera, N-Gage gaming, podcasting, Internet destinations and more. Sadly, it lacked adequate memory to install third party software and was really slow. Another neat feature that surfaced with the E75 was the ability to charge the phone from either the standard Nokia circular charger or from the micro-USB port.

In a baffling move and shortly after the release of the E75, Nokia quietly killed N-Gage, alienated hundreds of thousands, if not millions of users, and started to prepare to sell stuff in their OVI store.

Around that time, I acquired the E72 and was confounded by some of the important features that were missing. Where was the podcasting software? How about the geotagging feature for my photos? The 5 megapixel camera was definitely great to use but it seems like Nokia decided to make the phone less functional than it’s predecessor. The phone, similar to the E75 also charged from the standard Nokia charger or micro-USB and also used the same battery as the E71. Great news, I could use my old accessories, spare batteries and car charger. Another bonus was that the upgraded processor and storage made the phone more usable than the E75.

Then something happened. Nokia pushed out a firmware update to the E72 and made the phone completely unstable and unusable, even when one reverted to factory settings. I tried unsuccessfully to load in an older firmware using Navifirm and some flashing tools. This turned my phone in to a brick and I was forced to go back to my E71 while my E72 made it’s way back to Malaysia for service.

Enter Wind and the E73. My contract with Fido’s been up for some time. The unlimited talk for $45 and unlimited Internet for $50 plus all the taxes (real and imagined by Fido) seemed less attractive than what the new provider Wind was offering, so I bit and bought a few months of service from the company to see if I was missing anything. I then embarked on a journey to Bellingham to purchase a Nokia E73 from T-Mobile which is compatible with Wind’s AWS network.

Unlocking the T-Mobile was a breeze. I’ve been a TMo customer for some time and they graciously provided me with an unlock code within 24 hours of my purchase. Getting it set up on Wind was a bit of a task – it has been years since I’ve entered Internet and MMS settings into my phone and changed the SMS delivery but after that, the phone was good to go. In the E73 I noticed they brought back podcasting but the geotagging feature was still absent.

The E73 is geared towards the T-Mobile network so some of the usability items like Wifi hotspot connectivity is confounding but to be expected.

Then I noticed something really amiss.

Nokia, in their ultimate wisdom, removed the standard Nokia charger port from the phone! The only way to charge the phone is to lift the micro-USB port and use the provided micro-USB charger. Yikes! No backwards compatibility with chargers I’ve acquired along the way. Additionally, the same dreaded software update (new firmware) that Nokia pushed to my E72 appears to have also hit the E73 so the phone now has fits of instability and the threaded SMS program (Nokia Conversations) doesn’t run anymore.

To top it all off, Wind seems to only be delivering EDGE type Internet speeds to the phone making the change feel like a step backwards compared even to my E71 which gets a good dose of HSDPA 3.5G speed.

The Wind network hasn’t hit primetime yet and the E73 is definitely not worth upgrading to. Better off in the bin, it’s no wonder why Nokia is in trouble and looking for a new CEO to give them direction. Not for me, I’m off to get an iPhone 4 and I’ll stick with Fido.